Phone a fuckbuddy
Alec and Kat are back with Carrie On's first episode of 2015 (though they recorded it in 2014!), and they are joined by Carrie On darling Jeremy Shane. If you haven't heard Jeremy's other episodes, check out Episode 3 (Season 1, Episode 3: Bay of Married Pigs, and Episode 19 (Season 2, Episode 7: The Chicken Dance). There were sweaters and t-shirts and earrings and hats and bags and dresses and THINGS. I felt like that woman I saw on TV once that had 50 cats in her apartment and didn't see what the problem was. I was living in a vigil to every past relationship. Fuck Buddy was just the most recent incarnation of it. You can yell if you need to (or scream), whatever it is you need to get out to them that you can't in real life without getting arrested or slapped with a restraining order. So for a really (really really really) long time I went with it, committed to the routine, accepting that what we were doing to one another was some cosmic unfolding that I was meant to explore. There were boxes of notes and pictures and other memorabilia that one cannot throw away. The next morning I walked around Union Square and left the man items next to sleeping homeless folk. Tell them how angry you are, how hurt you are, how sorry you are - as if they are hearing every word. At first I disagreed and suggested that maybe the women he was having sex with weren’t clear about the nature of their relationship, or that maybe they weren’t mature enough for a FWB arrangement. In my own situation, I was guilty of breaking the number one rule of FWBs. When I asked if he knew why, he explained it was because he was being an actual friend to these women and maybe that’s where the problem lies.And he actually knows me better than a lot of my partners ever did.So what is it about the friends with benefits dynamic that is more sustainable, and often more transparent, than an actual relationship? They’re like: How can you have sex with the same person, again and again, without falling in love?
Even though I have yet to see it done properly, I still believe that it can be. Carrie’s definition, as seen above, differs from my definition of what a friend with benefits (FWB) is mostly because I’d rather not refer to an ex as a friend or buddy but rather a mistake and a pain in my ass. Like Samantha said, “he’s dial-a-dick” (or phone-a-fuck for readers that aren’t interested in dick).This arrangement would generally be called a friend with benefits, or a fuck buddy, or a romantic friendship, or perhaps even a relationship—with “no strings attached.” But let’s be real: There are always strings, aren’t there?